I was 36 when I got married for the first time and I didn’t have any children. You can imagine how many times from ages 22-36 I was asked “when are you going to get married”.
When I graduated from high school, I just knew I was going to meet my soulmate in college and get married right after graduation. We were going to own a house with a white picket fence and had 2.5 children, the average in 1999.
Six years later, I graduated with my master’s degree, still single, and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. You can imagine how much pressure was on.
I decided to activate victim mode and welcome it with open arms. Why am I still single? What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t anybody want me? When is it going to happen for me?
Do women’s biological clocks still tick?
As I approached 30, those questions changed from me asking myself, to everyone else asking me. Why are you still single? What’s wrong with you? Why doesn’t anybody want to date you? Why can’t you hang on to anyone?
And then it happened.
No, I didn’t meet my soulmate. I settled. I took the first guy who was willing to stick around and chose to ignore every red flag flapping in the wind.
And all the red flags after that, and the red flags after that.
Because way more important than the red flags was the relentless ticking of my biological clock and how desperately I wanted to be a mother.
Let’s just fast-forward and get to the good stuff, shall we?
Is 40 the new 20?
I was 40 when I left my 13-year career. I was 41 when I left my marriage. I am now a 42-year-old single mom with a toddler and this is the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life.
Full disclosure, I was freaking out at first. My entire life I had done what was expected of me.
The first 18 years of our lives we are told what to do by parents and teachers. We spent the next four years in college because that was what we were expected to do. Then we chose a career that would pay us a decent salary and provide benefits, so we probably weren’t passionate about it.
As a woman, next was marriage, kids, and taking care of everyone and everything except yourself.
As I walked away from all of that, I had no idea what to do.
Then I realized how many other 40-something women were doing the same thing. Let that freedom ring, baby!
Can a Woman Start Over at 40?
Yes, we can! We don’t care what anyone else thinks. We don’t do what is expected of us. We don’t care if the kitchen is dirty, the laundry is piling up, or if we haven’t washed our hair in a week. And it’s a beautiful thing.
We finally know who we are.
I am no longer a victim because I know nothing is wrong with me. I choose to be single, and I have no interest in dating at this time. Taking care of myself and my health is my only priority. And the only person I want to hang on to is my precious baby girl.
Stephanie Freethy helps women who are tired of dealing with societal expectations and how those expectations get in the way of prioritizing themselves and their goals. She is a Master Certified Life Coach with a Masters Degree in Psychology. Schedule a free chat with Stephanie today at stephaniefreethy.com/schedule